He coined my pet name “Philosopher Boy”

JFSC, Brother Number Two-My Nemesis & Closest Friend-Instalment #1

I’m just going to get some sources of intense rumination and deep thoughts off my mind into words in cyberspace. My scripturience is becoming increasingly more motivational. This is a little confusing perhaps because it is coming out in pieces.

Can’t keep them inside anymore. It’s becoming clear that these thoughts are safer for all if outside my crowded skull 💀

This is an unfinished work. It’s here for review. Comment if you’re so inclined, I would like first crack at the rebuttal.

And YES, I always talk like this.

I am the second youngest, fourth oldest brother in a family of five brothers.

The first four popped out in the first five years of the 1950s.

They tried again in 1960 but the sperm were unable to contribute the proper chromosomes to the egg and no female zygotes could be created.

Thus my “other” greatest but somewhat lesser than FIRST greatest nemesis was hatched 🐣

When I think of Jim, or Isaac, I immediately either smile or cry.

It’s 20260419. Jim passed away in 2020. Time is not our friend. It’s my deepest obsession, but it’s no friend.

I think about Jim more often than I think about Isaac. It’s not something I like or have much control over. It’s obviously related to the length of time our relationships coexisted in retrospect. Jim and I did many things together.

We have many mutual accomplishments that we share and have concomitant deep memories of our experiences. But my head still has blood 🩸 and neural activity. His is dust in a couple of urns ⚱️ in several different places.

Jim was here when I was born.

I was in the room when Isaac was born.

Jim was 67, not quite 68 when he succumbed to a massive myocardial infarction caused by his atrial fibrillation. He was not ready to go.

Isaac was 41. He was not ready to go.

Years either keep getting shorter or flying past faster, I don’t expect otherwise nor do I know which, exactly.

Ruminating about the past is a sign that I require a different future.

Contrary to popular folklore, life is getting harder. It does NOT in my experience GET EASIER, unless one has entirely abandoned thought. 💭

I only wish it had an “On/Off” or even an actual manually actuated “Pause” control…

I oddly, cannot find the correct formula. But I exist, thus I must be doing something “correctly”.

Writing ✍🏻 is becoming a new form of rumination. I suppose it always has been. It’s now 20260420! How did it happen?!?

Spending a lot of thought in one’s head prevents living in the present.

Often, my past is the very best place for me, anyway.

I have had a wonderful life and at once a painfully unbearable existence which continues.

I am purportedly thankful for this. My family is dying off around me, slowly, surely, painfully now.

Let me explain because it was a whirlwind for a while there.

We are ALL trained Musicians. Love Cars. All trained and accomplished martial artists in several disciplines related and unrelated. All quite gifted Artistically, several exceptionally so. Even though the eldest had a life altering motorcycle collision in his early twenties, he still loved the things but never owned another. His wife would always have been an opponent.

I’ve, no we’ve done a lot of things and devoted much effort to developing a number of considered areas of considerable “expertise” (🙄 a subject for another thread) that have contributed significantly to this discussion, this subject and brother.

Over the years I’ve attempted to get into all of my brother’s heads about this. I try to keep my perspective as global as I can. Always, unless emotion taints my perception and logic. But I am also very critical of myself, so it doesn’t happen quickly.

Wondering how many times I offhandedly insulted or demoralized people unintentionally (because my brain was often full speed when they were idling) has given me a new reason to understand large numbers in general.

This is not conceit. It is concern 🙁

Underlying everything is deep gratitude for all the fantastic things that have happened in my life and lifetime. Abundantly blessed to have been birthed and nurtured by parents who couldn’t have been better had I been involved in choosing them. Five and a half decades married to the love of my entire life. Fatherhood at 20. Three fantastic boys, one gone far too soon. Three grandchildren, new horizons of discovery.

Seven decades and I feel like I’m only just beginning…

Some very mumbled up jumbled up mixed up words and thoughts 💭

For those I apologize and beg forgiveness in hopes of producing something more meaningful for the world

TO BE CONTINUED